heart

From the heart;

Well.
I seem to be running into walls. One minute I think I am going to handle this. The minutes to follow, it seems to hard. I am reading a book to help me cope with this feeling of abandonment. I seemed to have developed a false sense of how God works. I have faith in God. I do. I love Him with everything ounce of my being. I realize He is in control. I understand that He has an Ultimate and Perfect Plan. I guess I have lived my life inside some sort of bubble. Now I have found my spirit beginning to wither. An unreal sense of abandonment. My frustrations have led me to this dead end. I believe it is an incorrect view of Scripture to say that we will always comprehend what God is doing and how our suffering and disappointment fit into His plan. Sooner or later, most of us will come to a point where it appears that God has lost control- or interest- in the affairs of His people. Just an illusion, it has dangerous implications for my spiritual and mental healt. The pain and suffering I am sure I could handle. The confusion is what tears me, my faith, apart.
Expectations. If I said it once, then I've said it twice. I expect, and always have, WAY TOO MUCH! They just set us up for dissapointment. I have found there is no greater distress than to build one's entire way of life on a certain theological understanding, and then have it collapse at a time of unusual stress and pain. It rattles the foundation. Is it true then, that I have expected too much of God? Or is it true that there are things we are seldom willing to admit within the Christian communtiy? Like, Everything is not ALWAYS okay. And Bad things do happen to godly people. The God whom I love, worship, and serve sometimes appears to be silent, distant, and uncaring in the moments of greatest need. Do such times come even to the faithful? Yes, they do. How about Job? Then God permitted Satan to afflict Job physically. He was stricken "with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head" (Job 2:7). The Scripture says, "In all this, Job did not sin in what he said" (2:10). With confidence he proclaimed, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" (3:15). And of course David with great passion, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1)
I am sure these and other biblical examples were there to help us understand this spiritual phenomenon. Apparently, most believers are permitted to go through emotional and spiritual valleys that are designed to test their faith. Why? Because Faith ranks right up there on God's system of priorities. Without it, He says, it is impossible to please him. And what is faith, : the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".
A theological answer doesnt take all the pain and frustration away. And chances are most of us won't handle it like Job or David. I will still call on Him. I know He hears me. During this spiritual confusion I have to remain a branch on the Vine. My favorite passage John 15. And after that I will be still and ...... "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).