hello. i am doing well. no news is good news, so that's why there's been no news. we are enjoying our summer. it will go by fast. david is jumping off the diving board (with his float attachment). lydia is putting her face in the water and also doggy paddles. shendi is tan as ever. we are definetly enjoying the pool.

shendi is in the mountains. she went with her youth group to do campground ministries in Cherokee. they have a busy schedule. she was very excited as she's never been to the mountains. they will be back on tuesday. i can't wait to hear all the wonderful things God has planted in her heart:) i am so proud of her and thank God for her every day. if you know our story then you know how precious she is to us. she has come a long way. she will continue to grow and i am blessed to be a part of her life.

for now, everythings good.
and by the way.. i havent' mailed out the first thank you note. they are written with no addresses on them. so after 3 months you'd think i'd have them done. well, i don't. maybe soon:0)

I read what I last posted and ugh,,,, so dreary..... Today I feel blessed to be who I am and where I am despite circumstances. This is truly a journey. We all have one.
love kim

heart

From the heart;

Well.
I seem to be running into walls. One minute I think I am going to handle this. The minutes to follow, it seems to hard. I am reading a book to help me cope with this feeling of abandonment. I seemed to have developed a false sense of how God works. I have faith in God. I do. I love Him with everything ounce of my being. I realize He is in control. I understand that He has an Ultimate and Perfect Plan. I guess I have lived my life inside some sort of bubble. Now I have found my spirit beginning to wither. An unreal sense of abandonment. My frustrations have led me to this dead end. I believe it is an incorrect view of Scripture to say that we will always comprehend what God is doing and how our suffering and disappointment fit into His plan. Sooner or later, most of us will come to a point where it appears that God has lost control- or interest- in the affairs of His people. Just an illusion, it has dangerous implications for my spiritual and mental healt. The pain and suffering I am sure I could handle. The confusion is what tears me, my faith, apart.
Expectations. If I said it once, then I've said it twice. I expect, and always have, WAY TOO MUCH! They just set us up for dissapointment. I have found there is no greater distress than to build one's entire way of life on a certain theological understanding, and then have it collapse at a time of unusual stress and pain. It rattles the foundation. Is it true then, that I have expected too much of God? Or is it true that there are things we are seldom willing to admit within the Christian communtiy? Like, Everything is not ALWAYS okay. And Bad things do happen to godly people. The God whom I love, worship, and serve sometimes appears to be silent, distant, and uncaring in the moments of greatest need. Do such times come even to the faithful? Yes, they do. How about Job? Then God permitted Satan to afflict Job physically. He was stricken "with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head" (Job 2:7). The Scripture says, "In all this, Job did not sin in what he said" (2:10). With confidence he proclaimed, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" (3:15). And of course David with great passion, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1)
I am sure these and other biblical examples were there to help us understand this spiritual phenomenon. Apparently, most believers are permitted to go through emotional and spiritual valleys that are designed to test their faith. Why? Because Faith ranks right up there on God's system of priorities. Without it, He says, it is impossible to please him. And what is faith, : the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".
A theological answer doesnt take all the pain and frustration away. And chances are most of us won't handle it like Job or David. I will still call on Him. I know He hears me. During this spiritual confusion I have to remain a branch on the Vine. My favorite passage John 15. And after that I will be still and ...... "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

I am feeling better. When I get some time this week I will post a more lengthy post.
I love you all and thank you for all your prayers. I am certainly feeling them.
Kim

ugh:(

today has been hard. i am not feeling well. i was assured i would have these days, and that has proven to be true.

the symptoms today are fatigue, muscle aches, headache, ringing/swishing in my ears and head. there are a few more things but we'll stick to the ones i listed.

this is nothing i can't handle. my kids can tell. they gave me looks today. those looks. i can handle the symptoms..... what i can't handle is those looks. it simply breaks my heart:(

i called to order Chinese food and couldn't tell the lady my phone number. all that would come out was '9'. i was wanting to say the number i knew but could only say '9'. the number i gave her was 9999999.

i was off work sunday monday and today. hopefully i will have a better day tomorrow. i will go to work and get on with it.

okay so, my neurosurgeon performed brain surgery on Senator Ted Kennedy this morning. So yeah, I think I was in good hands, what you think?
i will holler back later:)
ps... i am doing wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!