Mema looks much better tonight. She has no ventilator and is breathing fine and follows some direction. She was able to look at us and hold our hands. We just told her what a fighter she is and that we love her. She is still in ICU, a long road ahead, her brain is still swollen so we won't know damage until thats gone down some. She tried to smile (even laugh) when mom told her she would have to learn to talk again, and that the first thing they would teach her would be...... John McCain. Mema is a strong Democrat!!!! hates Bush and all his friends!! ha ha... Her right side remains paralyzed..... anyhow, I am hopeful, thanks for all your prayers.
Me, Shendi and Aunt Lanie sang, "You Are My Sunshine" to her!!!! She loved it I think...
I am doing okay. This has definetly taken my mind off of any anxious thoughts regarding surgery. Still contemplating everything today.
love kim

MEMA

My mema had a massive stroke today. My mom went over to pick her up from her house to take her to the Library to play with her Scrabble group. When she didn't come out, mom was worried. She went in and found her lying on the floor. She called 911. They took her to JMH, once there they confirmed the stroke and they Lifeflighted her to Wake Med. She is in ICU. We went there tonight. She opened her eyes for Kathy. When I spoke to her she was moving around alot. Shendi held her hand and Mema was making eye movements with them closed. We told her how much we loved her and it was very hard. Right now her right side is paralyzed. My Aunt Lanie is on a plane as I type from Alaska. Tomorrow morning they are going to do more mri's and cat scans. They will take the ventilator out to see if she can breathe, swallow, and other things that I know nothing about. All I know is I love her so much. Please pray for her.

SURGERY

Neuro called today. They have already booked my brain surgery. He feels they need to get it done asap. March 11th I will go to Duke for a full day of pre-op things. Surgery will be the next day, March 12th. After the phone call I was in shock. I thought for sure they would continue to do blood patches. I was not expecting this at all. So I cried for a bit, in the bathroom at work, with Bethany. Bethany is one of the great people I work with. She prayed with me and when she prayed peace, Peace came and I was able to work through the evening. God knows what we need when we need it, huh? I am still thinking this all through. I will post maybe tomorrow.
Love you all.
oh, I am going to teach Nate how to do this blog so he can post daily to let you all know how things are going once we get to surgery.

Oh and on a better note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA, I LOVE YOU!!!

still waiting

still waiting for a phone call.

Leaks

I havent heard anything yet. So basically I have alot of leaks on my dura. The dura is the tissue that surrounds the brain and spinal cord. I don't know how many, I don't know how fast they are leaking, I just know I always feel sick. I can't physically see it coming out anywhere on my skin so I guess it is leaking out into my body. My brain isn't getting the amount of spinal fluid that it needs so that could be causing it to herniate so rapidly. The term is called Intracranial Hypotension. I have read that it can be spontaneous or it can come from trauma. When there's not enough spinal fluid around your brain it can cause an earthquake effect. The brain can do one of these things, it can split down the middle, it can shift, or it can fall out the bottom of the skull. My brain is slipping out into the spinal canal. The spinal canal is crammed up with my brain, so that is causing the spinal fluid not to flow like it should. There is alot of stuff going on inside me. I am still in shock I think. I will keep you posted.

Update from Dr.

I got a call from the dr. who did my spinal bloodpatches today. She didn't tell me at the time, but apparently there were more leaks then they led me to believe. She didn't say a # just that she had patched maybe half that were there. So she and the surgeon are conferring about what to do next. Maybe more patches, Mri to see what my brain is doing now, and surgery... so i am disappointed about it all. but at least it is news. i am glad they are working on it. again just waiting for a phone call. thanks for all prayers and i will post again later...

Hey there. Today is Tuesday. My legs feel like tree trunks. I am standing on the edge of something way too deep. That's how I feel today. I will go to bed and hope that tomorrow the light will come flowing through. It's been a busy one. I will post later.
Pray for a friend, Beverly. Her mother Martha died today. They were very close.

It's Monday. I expect great things this week. I worked today.... and I must say, "I love my job." I love making others feel and look their best! I just love being around people... sounds corny, yes? but i really do! On the physical side of things, I woke up cranky this morning. There was a thunderstorm at my house last night so Lydia was in the bed with me, of course, we didn't get much sleep. David wakes up at the crack of dawn (playing his guitar and whatever else he can make noise at). Shendi just sleeps on and on and on.... President's Day today so kids were out of school. I didn't feel too bad today... It's funny how I will feel fine and think to myself, I'm not sick, there's nothing wrong with me, and then WHAM a crazy sting of electricity will shoot from the back of my head over to my right eye. And then I think well, yes, there is something wrong with me. I enjoy getting to work so that I can relax and its comforting to know Nate is at home with the kids. My clients are awesome. Really, just wonderful. I have finally moved all in the new salon. Weird you might say but I take in everything around me. Like walking out to my car tonight, after work, it was just a beautiful night.... the air was crisp, wind was blowing, smelled like rain/spring, and the small town around me was just moving with people doing their normal Monday night routines.. I sat in my car, not with the doors locked, but with the door open just watching the cars go over the rr track, there was a tv flickering from a quaint house across the tracks and I felt content. This is where I'm supposed to be. Isn't it amazing how God decided a long time ago to put each of us in just the right spot, the right year, right where we were designed to be. I was created just for now, and you were too, and we are sharing it together. I think we just get way to busy just to sit with the door open and think about where we are. Where are you? I am just beginning to discover these great moments with the people around me. So this is a new life. A new outlook. I can't help but be excited tonight about the relationships and situations that I will enter into tomorrow and the next and so on.....God is so good.
and in honor of President's Day, I want to say thank you to George Bush... i just love that man! He reminds me of someone I know, you know, i just feel like I could call him up and say Hey whatcha' doing? anyway goodnight:)

Hi. Well today I had a decent day, I guess. I worked and then transported shendi to all her social functions. Oh to be 13 again! I don't feel like typing too much tonight just want some chocolate. I will say that I love my kids. David said tonight," You love your kids don't you ma, you love the sweet sugar they give you." This was at 10pm rushing to pick up Shendi from her 2nd party today. I had the kids in their pajamas, blankets in the car, you know? I am sure David sensed my sleepy eyes...... Kids know more about was goes on than we think. I keep it together pretty well in front of them. Shendi does alot though. I envy her character. Underneath it all, she is quite the adult. I don't know what my life would be like without her. Her Awesome teacher sent home an essay she wrote about me. I will keep it forever! And little Lydia, well she keeps me warm when she climbs into my bed in the middle of the night. She always holds my hand when she's lying there. Did I mention, I love my kids?
Good night. Tomorrow is Meghans birthday party and we will spend time with the fam!

Trapped Inside..............

Today is February 15th. I am creating this place so that I may journal my thoughts and updates for my family, friends, and myself. I guess, for me, I realized something was wrong on March 11, 2007. Ironically this happened to be my 7 yr wedding aniversary. I woke up with my little girl because she had to go to the bathroom. As she sat on the potty I fell out on the bathroom floor. I fell so hard I took down the towel rack off the wall. I remember just shaking on the floor. I don't remember or even know how long I was down but at some point I looked up at Lydia and she just sat staring at me. I crawled to the phone (Nate was sleeping on the couch b/c Lydia had taken his spot in the bed) and called my mom- it was 5am. I told her I thought I had had a seizure. I had never experienced one but I knew this was different from the passing out episodes I had had as a teenager. I went to the local hospital and I did have a cold, they did a simple chest xray and some dr. came in and told me I had pneumonia. So, I believed him and went home on bed rest for a week.. That was just the start. From there on I knew something wasnt right with me. I went from being very outgoing, physically active- jogging 1-3 mi. at a time, teaching dance, and well just being me to being trapped inside this weak, sick body. This body, this pain, I don't even recognize. Nausea seems to be a close enemy of mine. He shows up when my feet hit the floor in the mornings and if I'm lucky He walks me into walls. He is quite an annoying thing. He reminds me He's there when I do simple things such as dressing the kids, driving down the road and anytime really. Gross really. July 07 went to my dr. who I never went to because I was healthy and rarely even took an aspirin, vitamin, etc. Told her my symptoms... Along with nausea, electic shocks up and down my body, head and spine, face, head, face, throat, body going to sleep, at times didn't know if i was breathing, stuttering, not being able to tell time on a face clock, wanting my hands to do something but they just wouldnt and last but not least I had and have been lactating for 5 years without stopping. Weird?!? The dr. finally said okay MRI. And weeks later the word that would change my life forever. Chiari. This word goes way back with me. I had a minor accident at gymnastics when I was 11, simply rolled out of a headstand, stood up and collapsed. I couldn't feel anything from the neck down, couldnt move and was having trouble breathing. Ended up at Wake Hospital in an MRI machine. After a few scary days, I remember oddly this young dr. standing at the foot of my bed saying Chiari. It is pronounced Kee-ari. So for years didnt know how to spell it just knew whatever it was started with a K. He described it to me as having too much tissue around my spinal cord so when I rolled on it just right it pinched my spinal cord causing the events I just described. No pressure on your neck from now on. That's it. And up until now I never took it too seriously! Now it is all I think about. It's not just tissue around my spinal cord. ITS MY FREAKIN' BRAIN! It (my brain) has fallen/slipped out of my skull and now is in my spinal canal along with my spinal cord in a very small space. Yuck! It kind of grosses me out just to think about it. I don't think the same way anymore. I can't process things very well. That is hard because I have always been quick with words, a Little Sarcastic?, and witty!!! I still am inside, just can't communicate it that well. And on top of that, in the last month, I found out the tissue (dura) holding all that crammed stuff (spinal cord, brain stem along with brain, nerves and whatever else) is thin. Yes, I had four leaks the other day. Four tears along the dura. Fancy that! It was so painful getting those fixed. We'll see how it works... As of right now, I don't feel any different. I have new symptoms, like my head may explode in the back. Have you seen the movie "Hellraiser"? Well there is this fellow called Pin Head, I believe, and he has just that- Pins sticking out all over his head. Yes, I identify with this man. I intend not to raise Hell though. Dr. said maybe surgery if this leak repair doesn't work. He's hoping fixing the level of the spinal fluid will push the brain back up. Now just continuing to wait, which seems to be the name of the game in this new world I am now living in. Yes my world has changed. Yet I have not, and most importantly my Savior has not. He and I have had many talks about this. I am not even close to understanding why, but I have all faith that He will never leave me. I will continue to Live Out Loud, and blog about it. Sounds fun, right?