hey there. it's almost been 3 weeks now since op. maybe its the rain, i don't know, but am battling the "blues". it could be these walls closing in on me. in the past 3 weeks i have be to the lawn market for about 20min, and Lowes Hardware for about 10min. The crazy thing is, is that I don't want to go anywhere. Nate went back to work, so that could be the reason I am down. Today is the first day in days that I am in pain. That could be rain too. Let' just blame everything on the rain. Constant throbbing in the back of my head and on my neck.. It feels like I have a golf ball in the back of my neck when I look up. So I just won't look up. I have been putting on makeup for the past few days, and I enjoyed it. I look fine on the outside, that is what is so decieving. This operation is only a treatment of the disease, not a cure. There is no cure. There are people still doing research to find a cure. So that will answer alot of your questions. People are asking me, "do you feel different", and "did it work". It should alleviate symptoms for a period of time. But it is only a treatment.

The kids are doing great. Life as usual. Shendi is doing great. I am glad she is back at school this week. She was getting awfully bored. She did go to Carowinds Saturday with her new youth group. She had a wonderful time. The kids have been accepting of her and she seems to be growing spiritually. David is back at preschool and was excited to go back this morning. Lydia has spent the morning with my mom. And Nate is back to work.

I want to thank everyone for bringing us food. Marilyn Sutphin brought food on Friday. Jean, Nate's mom, brought food for Saturday and Sunday. Lisa S. brought food this morning and visited for a while. Nate and I have both gained some weight because you guys keep us fed so well. We have definetly enjoyed all of the meals and desserts!!!

Thanks for Everything!
Congratulations to Elizabeth and Chris on their new baby girl!!!
Kim

Spring

What a BEAUTIFUL day we had today!!! The kids are on Spring Break this week and today I delegated as the girls planted flowers. My mema had lots of potting soil and nice planters that we got today. Nate went to mom's and got two truckloads of pine straw out of her yard (They have tons of pine trees). Shendi and Lydia used the items and planted all these beautiful plants and flowers people have given us. There are ferns hanging on the porch, Nate put the straw nicely around the house and in our gardens, and even though it didn't quite need it, Nate cut grass. All the while I told everybody what to do........ its what I do best. I rocked on the porch all afternoon, did crosswords.

A friend of mine, Lea Frank's employer donated 250.00 worth of groceries and household items to us today. Lea did all the shopping and brought tons of groceries this afternoon. We have been so blessed these days... We had a nice dinner and sat outsite while the kids messed around in the yard... We had to enjoy our flowers on the porch! Did I mention we have a new flag hanging out front. My friend Fran gave me a flag for Christmas, and it is a huge picture of Jesus with little animals. It is really beautiful out there. Funny today, when the girls were planting the flowers, the flag was blowing like crazy and Lydia, who is 3, Yells Laughing, Wow look at Jesus up there!!! It was hilarious. The kids were very dirty tonight from all the playing outside and pollen everywhere. Nate gave the baths and I actually went for a walk. I know what you're thinking, but I gotta start somewhere. Babysteps. It was a short walk to the stop sign and back, maybe just under 1/2 mile, very slowly, but it felt great!!!!

I know now why God gave me such think hair. I finally understand after all these years. It was for this moment... My hair falls perfectly over the incision. Now if it is a windy day, I might have problems. I did get a fake short ponytail looking thing to wear if I pull my hair back and that works too. As for right now, can't get my left arm up yet, not over my head anyway. I feel like the surgeon tied the back of my head to my back. Very hard to explain. Anyhow. I am just enjoying taking it easy, very easy. Nate goes back to work tomorrow:( So Dad is spending the night with us. I feel like such a baby.... but it will be fun:)

Thanks again for all the support and a Special note to Sue Grimmet for your generous donation. To my girl Melissa and Lea, and there are so many more. You all are the BEST!!!!!

Love Kim

Thankful.

No infection, praise God. Antibiotics are working. I am rather weak, tired, and sore. My dad said, "be thankful you woke up this morning." And then, reality check. Yes, I am thankful. I am thankful for my health, my family, my home, my friends..... and oh, so much more. I will post tomorrow.

EXTREME MAKEOVER * THE CARTER FAMILY

Mark your calendars ~ Extreme Makeover Home Edition is re-airing the episode about the Carter Family on April 6th. She is an amazing woman! Her passion for helping people with Chiari is incredible. If you didn't catch this episode when it "Carter Family" -- The Carters of Billings, MT were surprised to receive the news that Ty and the gang will transform their current home of a chicken coop into the home of their dreams in just seven days on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," SUNDAY, APRIL 6 (8:00-9:00 p.m., ET) on ABC. (Rebroadcast. OAD 10/21/07)
Julie Carter suffers from a genetic disorder known as Chiari Malformation, as does her 21-year-old daughter, Jade. She fears her other two daughters may have it as well. Julie and Jade have had several brain surgeries costing over $500,000. This condition has over 85 symptoms -- which makes it very easy to misdiagnose -- and causes depression and chronic fatigue. Julie has made it her passion to spread awareness of the rare disorder and has become a hero to thousands. She writes a monthly newsletter to Chiari patients, providing them support, compassion and valuable information, which she assembles and distributes with her own money. She also started Chiari People of Montana, a support group. With her success, she was recently asked to run the first Chiari Malformation chapter in Billings. This is a bittersweet honor, since her makeshift office is hardly suitable for getting out her newsletters.
Julie is so consumed with helping others that she rarely thinks of her own living situation -- which is a refurbished chicken coup -- but the astronomical medical bills are a regular reminder that there's little chance their house will ever be fixed. From the outside their home looks like a long warehouse; the exterior walls are buckling and some of the windows are cracked, which makes it tough in the brutal Montana winter. They've made the best of the interior, but the cracks in the floor and the unusable space makes heating the place expensive. It's now up to the design team to get this family out of the chicken coop and into a healthy house, and to reward this selfless mother with a state of the art facility where she can run the Billings chapter of Chiari. While Ty and the designers, local builder Jeff Junkert Construction, Inc. and hundreds of volunteers and workers are rebuilding their home, the Carter family will go on vacation at the Hilton Times Square in New York City.aired in October be sure to watch it on April 6th.

Doctor Appointment

Hey. I got my stitches out today. My doctor was happy to see me and couldn't believe how well I am doing. This is my PCP in town. She also acted excited that she was the one to get to take them out. She said that she couldn't believe a neuro at Duke would allow her to take them out. She was as gentle as possible given the size and area of the incision. Some bad news, though. I have some infection around the neck in the incision. So I am on antibiotics now twice a day. She cleaned the area very well and bandaged me up again. Nate has to inspect it for her Wednesday morning and if it looks okay, then I can wash my hair. If not, back to Duke. So You All who read this blog please pray the infection will clear up. Because of the area of infection it can be serious. I have been back in the bed today. Thanks for everyone sending cards, sending money, sending food, and phone calls. You all are the best!!!!!

Today I woke up with a big headache! It has gotten better as the day has progressed. I am going to try to get off the narcotics slowly. Mom is a nurse and thinks some of theses symptoms could mean I am getting tolereant to the pain med. So I will trust her advice and do just that. I will get my stitches out on Monday. I still can't lift anything, and the reason I know this, is because I have tried....shhhhhh.... No, I will not do that anymore because it was rather painful... My neck is still stiff and sore. I know I will get through this, it will just take time.

This beautiful weather is calling me. I was washing some dishes, looking out the window, thinking I have got to get out in my flower garden. So, I grabbed a bottle of windex and started cleaning the glass on the stormdoor. After I did that I got ahold of the broom and swept the porch as best I could. The more I worked I got closer and closer to the flower garden. I was there. I had worked my way to the garden. I stood there looking at the weeds and bare spots. They were calling me. The weeds wanted me to pull them and the bare spots were in desperate need of pinestraw. I don't know how long I stood there before I realized that my neighbors were probably looking at me wondering what in the world I was doing. So I went back inside. Man I have got to get better soon, so I can get busy..... You don't realize how much you do until your forced to be in the bed or resting on the couch..

I have to give my SHOUT OUTS, you know. On Thursday Carolyn F., Elizabeth M., and Joan S. brought us dinner, flowers, candy, and cards. On Friday Patsy D. made us dinner and it was delicious. Patsy also has Chiari and identifies with the pain and suffering that comes with the diagnosis. Tonight my friend I've known since highschool is bringing supper. Her name is Nikki Godwin. I think the world of this girl! Also I wanted to say how much appreciate all your comments.!

Love you all
Kimberly

1 Week Since Surgery

Hey. Today makes a week since surgery. I have been sleeping alot today and am in pain. I am waiting for it to start to go away. This will try me. I am trying to stay positive. This is the hand I was dealt. The game will go on.

My family and friends are what is getting me through each day. I have trouble remembering who was here the day before and who brought what and who did what, so I am writing it all down. I want to thank Branch Chapel in Selma for their donation (De De Stott's Sunday School Class). How awesome it is to recieve blessings from people who don't even know us. Melissa S. brought over some donations today from people who wanted to remain annonymous. Bethany brought over her tips from cutting hair and a jar they had set up at the salon. The girls at Hot Heads salon in Smithfield sent me a beautiful flower. Teasie brought over supper and it was delicious. I am telling you that you people are getting me through this. I don't know what to expect each day when I wake up but I have hope still.

Thanks so much. I love you all, goodnight.
Kim

day 6

Hey everyone. I need to start todays blog by wishing Lucky, a Happy Belated Birthday! Lucky is Anita's baby (horse) that was born a year ago yesterday!

I want to thank some people today... First of all I have recieved more cards than any Christmas or birthday ever. Seriously they are all beautiful and you all have poured your hearts out in them. I want to thank Baptist Tabernacle in Wendell for your generous donation. I want to give a SHOUT OUT to my girls at TJTPA. My Beautiful Basket arrived today! I am not even going to open it up yet so that I can show it off to all my family and visitors. When Shendi gets home with her camera I am going to take a picture of it and post it on here. Thanks to Aunt Paulette and Lisa S. for bringing groceries and dinner yesterday! It means alot to not only me and Nate, but the kids are learning so much through all of this. Thanks to Tim Brown for coming to pray with me at just the right moment, (Before rolling back to surgery).

I am just overwhelmed at all of the generous people in our lives. About six months ago I was at a point in my life where I had too high expectations of the people around me. And when they didn't meet those expectations I was surely let down. I was at a Turning Point in my life and didn't know which direction to turn. My faith was tested in God, in family, in friends and in everything I had ever been taught. I didn't understand why things were happening so rapidly around me and I thought maybe it was because something I had done wrong; be it sinned, not worked hard enough for God, not using my gifts enough, whatever you name it. And the past few weeks I realized that I did make the right turn. I turned to God with my hands empty, my mouth silent, my head down, my feet stuck in mud. I didn't want to move a muscle. I was numb. It was there, when I had no energy that He started to teach me. He has taught me that #1 I must stay close to Him, #2 that He's in charge, #3 that He loves me more than I can understand, #4 He will never leave me. just when i thought i couldn't and didn't trust the people around me; never wanting to get into relationships ever again...........God moved and showed me that there are people out there that do care and do love me and do things out of love. Love shouldnt have condtions. Love in unconditional. God does move through people, all different groups and types of people. God can move through anyone He wants. That is what is so AWESOME about Him. So throughout this battle with my sickness or your battle with something else, God will provide. He will. And He will never leave you. Just when you feel like you have no one, He shows up and when He does, He will use whoever He wants. It may be someone you would least expect. Glory to God for all He has done, is doing and will always do!!!! He really does love us....

I feel a little better everyday. I couldn't stand dirty hair any longer today so Nate helped me wash my hair in the sink, avoiding the big bandage. And as for the bandage it came off today and Thank the Lord! because that thing was itching me to pieces! I will get Shendi or Nate to take a picture of it tonight. I know you all are still praying and keep on, because I am not just going to bounce back from this... it will be a long hard road. Thought I could, but that was before they cut my head:) A big thanks to Nate. He has taken care of me like he would a newborn. He wakes up with me in the night, he keeps up with my meds, and he takes care of the kids.... Lots of times I can't remember what i did or didn't take.. Hoping my memory gets better. A Big SHOUT OUT to SHENDI...... Her first track meet is today! She is quite the runner and loves the long jump... I can't go, but Nate and David will go watch her. My mom is coming over to watch me and Lydia:) Joan's bringing food tonight and I can't wait to see her!!! I love you Joan!!!

Love you all
kim

Hey there. It's Sunday, I think. Funny how I had to think for a minute or two about what day it is. I am heavily medicated every 3 hours. I wake up every 3 hrs during the night because of this intense head and neck pain. My throat/voice is stressed too. I don't know if it is from the surgery or the ventilator I had in. Anyhow I am alive. I feel a little better every day. I go to my family dr. on Friday to have the stiches out. I am going to have Nate take a picture of the incision before they take them out. I can't wash my hair until then:( I have been using dry shampoo, and wearing a shower cap in the shower. But I can't wait to wash my hair next week. In six weeks I will go to a follow-up with the neurosurgeon. He will do an MRI around that tme. I am exhausted now so I will write again later. Thanks to everyone for cards, phone calls, and food. Bridet J. and Nikki C. thanks for your beautiful words. Thanks Becky for the food last night. Thanks Kathy for the chicken n rice tonight and keeping David and Lydia. Dana P. thanks for having Shendi the weekend. I can't wait to see the pictures ya'll took.

Home but continue to pray!

This is Nate, posting for Kim,
A special thanks to my mom, Jean for keeping the kids for the past few days. It is a great reassurance that you can depend on people to help you get through a trying time.
Today is a great day in knowing that God has brought Kim home, but as for the here and now it is tough. She is in a lot of pain, and very nauseated b/c of the level of pain she is describing to me. The level of 1-10 is 9 for nausea, 9 for pain. 10 being extreme or unbearable. She is a tough woman though, one of the many virtues she possesses that makes me love her all the more. She asked that all who know how to pray whether great or small prayers are much needed tonight and right now as you read this blog. We must continue to be all in one accord and one voice making it known to God, although HE knows how great her need is at this hour in her life. I understand that the recovery process will take time and the 1st week may be the hardest. We greatly appreciate all you have done already thus far and what you all will continue to do. If the shoe was on the other foot, anybody who knows us or Kim knows all to well she would be in the trenches for any of you.
A very special thanks to all who are planning this fundraiser for Kim. I can not begin to describe what a blessing you all are from God to us. (Kim) We are humbled and honored to call all of you friends. For those whose faith has been increased by this or just by Kim speaking a simple word or a small whisper pray for any of you, must realize that if God is for us, who can be against us.

In Jesus Christ Name, I sincerely thank each and every one of you.
Nate
For the English wizzs out there I apologize for any errors.

Home but continue to pray!

home

Hey, I am home. Just got here. I am very sore. I will let you all know how I am doing later. Right now I am going to rest. Thanks Melissa. Hannah I got your flowers, and Katy I got your edible fruit. Uncle Ronnie thanks for the flowers and the visit. Love you all, will post later. I am also going to post a pic of my head. I didn't have as much shaved, but the incision is about 7 inches long.

Praise God, Kim is out of surgery and doing great!!

Hello everyone, my name is Melissa and Nate called me to update me on Kim and wants me to pass along the good news. Kim went into surgery yesterday around 5:30pm and got out around 7:00pm. The surgery went great and Nate was able to see her last night around 11:30. She stayed in ICU and Nate went back to the hotel. As of this morning Kim is awake and alert. She is talking and really happy that they did not shave her head as much as they thought they were going to. Nate said she was really happy about that!! She is in room 4114 at Duke hospital. We should all thank God for this blessing and keep praying that she will continue doing good. I will keep you posted when Nate calls or he may have time to update you. He said he did not have any time to post the good news this morning. If you want to send flowers to Kim I think it would lift her spirits!! Praise God for taking care of Kim and pass this along to everyone. Thank you for your out pouring response to the fundraiser and take a minute today and just smile!! Thanks again, Melissa Stephenson. mom2haley@earthlink.net

Last Post until after Surgery

Hey. Let me start by saying that at 6am this morning, my Mema saw Jesus. Yes. She passed into his arms just as we left our driveway for the hospital. Thank you Lord. She is in no more pain and I can tell you she doesn't want to come back here. So she will be there tomorrow and she will be watching over me as I get surgery. One of her neuro drs.. said to my mom that "as she (Mema) passes over to her new life, I (me) will be getting a new life as well. I would rather have her, but God sees it differently. This was her time. I loved her so much and always will. I have been wearing her shirt today and her pearl earrings. She is at her PARTY, at last. She will be cremated at her request and we are going to bury her ashes in the mountains at a family graveyard. This past year we went there with her. We stood on that mountain in the graveyard. It was so beautiful. She told us that was where she wanted to be. So in a few months we can all go and have a small family service to celebrate our love for her and her new life in Eternity.

Today is our anniversary and we are at a hotel a mile away from the hospital. Our day started early. I was in another MRI machine at 9am. Next we went for Pre-Op screening. They did everything you could possibly think of to me. Last year at the hospital I had a chest x-ray and the technicians went crazy over how big my lungs were:) I thought they were a little crazy and thought, "just how big could they be?" Today after my chest x-ray, one technician said to the other, "Good Lord, she has some huge lungs!" I overheard her and started laughing and said I have heard that before. She had to take another pic b/c she couldn't fit them both on one pic. So that is just hilarious to us today..... So I have a big brain so that I can use my big lungs to relate all of my knowledge using my big mouth! Anyway at last we saw my surgeon. He spoke with us for awhile. He will be taking a bone from the skull and a bone from my neck. He will not cut the bottom of the brain and he will not shrink it. He thinks it best to leave the brain alone for now and see how this other works. I asked him what would happen in the future if I didn't have this surgery and he basically said you can't get new nerves. If he doesn't make more room for my brain, so that it is not so compressed, then the CSF fluid will build up in my spinal cord and cause cists to form which could lead to paralysis. He doesn't know WHY I have tears along the dura (the tissue holding my spinal cord and fluid and nerves). He thinks they are what have caused it to drop so rapidly. So he couldn't guarantee that this will fix me, but he thinks it is definetly worth a shot, and only wants it to make me better. So I am hopeful. I know you are all praying. So pray this works. There will be MRI follow ups later to see the progress.

Surgery information.....
My surgery is at 5pm tomorrow, Wednesday March 12th. I have to be there at 2:30 for checkin. It will take 2 hrs to prep me and get me really out!!!! That was my biggest concern!! Make sure I am ASLEEP! Surgery 2-4 hrs depending on what going on in my head. The surgeon said you really don't know what details are until you open up . Sometimes an MRI doesn't show everything. Then I will spend the night in ICU. They will not update Nate during surgery unless something goes wrong. So he said, "No news is good news". Nate will not be able to spend the night in ICU so he will stay here at the hotel. We are about to go out and gorge ourselves because I can't eat anything after 12am.. You do the math... I will not eat anything for awhile.

I don't think I left anything out. This will be my last post until I am at home and able to get to the computer.
I love you all, with all my heart!!!!!

Almost here and almost there.

So, I have my clock set for 4:30am. You know I got to fix my hair. LOL! I won't be able to fix it for awhile after they zip my head back up. In the Chiarian community, "zipperhead" is the nickname for those that have had decompression surgery. A special thanks to Bethany who brought me her bandannas. I don't think I can pull "the look" off like she can, but I will try. Some lipstick should do the trick.



The hardest thing so far was to put my kids to bed. I won't see them in the morning so it was sad for me. I know I will not see them for a few days and will miss them terribly. My precious children........ We had a great time eating out tonight. We had Andy's... cheesesteak subs, chili-cheese fries, hot dogs, milkshakes, oh yeah.... I am eating everything in site. We visited with mom and Aunt Laney, and then Nate, the kids and I went for a walk. Bath time, story time, and I painted Lela's toenails and fingernails. Shendi said Goodbye to the laptop for a week, (it's going with us. David just wanted to cuddle with his "Sweet Mother." I know, but seriously that's what he calls me and it is oh so dear.



Mema hasn't passed yet, but it is soon approaching. I think she may go when I'm having surgery. When she could understand me days ago, I told her if she got there before my surgery to make sure God knew what was going on with me:) I can just imagine. Either way she will see her Father. And, yes, I know He knows everything. Pray He will go ahead and take her Now. I hate that she's like this. Pray.



Our anniversary is tomorrow, in like 10minutes. Eight years and we have soooo much to show for it! Nate is sleeping. I must do the same!!! Maybe I can post tomorrow once I know what the Heck is going on!!!!



Love you all so much.....

Love you Nate

Kimberly



Make a Memory!!!! or two

THOUGHTS OF A LOVING HUSBAND

THOUGHTS OF A LOVING HUSBAND







TO MY LOVING WIFE,


I HAVE LOVED YOU FROM THE VERY BEGINING AND EACH DAY I GROW CLOSER TO YOU. I HAVE MADE MY PRAYERS AND SUPPLICATIONS KNOWN TO GOD WITH THANKSGIVING, THAT HE WILL BE THE DOCTORS HANDS AND MINDS. THIS PAST YEAR HAS BEEN A YEAR OF THE LOCUSTS, BUT ALWAYS AFTER A STORM WE ARE BLESSED TO SEE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE. THE WORD THAT COMES TO MIND IS NUMBERS 6:24-26. "THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU AND MAY HE SHINE HIS GLORIOUS FACE UPON YOU AND BE GRACIOUS TO YOU. MAY THE LORD TURN HIS FACE TOWARD YOU AND GIVE YOU PEACE". THIS PEACE FROM GOD WE CAN NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT WE KNOW THROUGH JESUS CHRIST WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS. GOD WILL RESTORE WHAT THE LOCUSTS HAVE DESTORYED. GOD WILL BRING YOU WHOLE AGIAN FOR HIS NAME SAKE. FOR HIS NAME IS JEHOVAH ROPHE: THE LORD WHO HEALS. MAY HE BE JUST THAT IN THE FULLEST MEANING OF HIS NAME FOR YOU AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE AND TRUST.





YOUR LOVING HUSBAND, NATE

Fundraiser for Kim

Hello everyone, my name is Melissa Stephenson and I am a friend of Kim and a former co-worker at Salon on Third. I want to reach out to all of you who love Kim as much as I do and support me in an fundraiser for Kim and Nate. We need all the support and donations available....I am going to be gathering information on how much we need to have Bar-B-Q plates with slaw, potatoes, hushpuppies, and cake. I am working hard on finding people to donate food, supplies, and their time to help me sell the tickets for plates. I am asking you to help me make Nate and Kim's life easier thru this hard time. While Kim is out of work and at home recuperating from her surgery I want us to do all that we can to make this a successful fundraiser and to enrich our lives with the love and kindness that comes with helping someone you love and think the world of. Please email me if you are interested in helping with this and pass it along to friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. I know we can make this work for Kim and Nate and the faster I get feedback from you I can get started with all the details. My email is mom2haley@earthlink.net and my phone number is 919-427-4379. Thank you, Melissa Stephenson

Today is Saturday. I haven't written on here in a couple days. I haven't wanted to. I don't think I would be able to relax before and after surgery knowing that my clients didn't have their hair done! LOL:) So, I am working again on Monday morning to tie up some loose ends.

Mema is at a nursing home now. She is soon to be going to her party. The kids understand that Mema has a party to go to. In Heaven. Jesus hasn't quite finished all the decorations and the guests are being told she's coming. Her mommy and daddy are going to be there. God is almost ready. Meanwhile she is being comforted with medicine. She's agitated. She's not in her right mind and it wears her body out to have company, even us. So we have all said our goodbyes. We will miss her dearly. My mother and aunt have done an amazing job during this. How hard this must be.

I am nervous about surgery. Even still. So much is going through my mind. I am ready to get it over with though. I won't know surgery details until the day before (Tuesday). Meanwhile I have to go to the store and pack my bags.

Miracle. I don't know how to explain this. I want to expect a miracle. But what is a miracle? We are so human. I might not even recognize a miracle if I saw one or even experienced it. I will know when I get to my party one day. He'll explain everything. Meanwhile I am just going to ride, not really thinking about what tomorrow will bring. I think I am going to enjoy the ride, regardless.

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Thanks Dana. Melissa S.you are amazing to me and I love you so much!!!I will keep this with me. Dorothy, if you're reading this thank you for everything. Jennifer D. thanks for all you've been to me, you are an awesome friend! Amy C. thanks for the beautiful flower in my window. Amy S. thanks for the roses (they lasted Forever!) Fran, thanks for the thoughtful gift. Martha you've always been there for me. My crazy, awesome co-workers thanks for all your concern, prayers, and jokes to keep my mind from wandering! Bethany I will never forget your first response to the phone call, "Lord bring her peace." - and He did! Peggy E. thanks for praying with me. Joan you are an angel in disguise. Teasie, girl you have the biggest heart in the world. Lea thanks for the flowers even before I knew of surgery, a "just because" gift. Anita, for listening to me complain about all my problems...... Joanna for being fervent in prayer, you and your faith are an inspiration to me. Pam Matthews for offering to keep these wild kids:) Charlotte, you are always so kind (My 1st client ever and still coming). Sarah F. for calling me and worrying about me! Stephanie Starling you are "for real" which is so hard to find these days! Mom, Dad, Jean, and Danny..... Kathy, Misty, Damon, Kevin, Ben we couldn't do all this without you! Mema, I love you. if I left anyone out, and I probably did, you know how I feel. I will post again before I go.

AMAZING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxUGEN9kS9o

My mema is dying. The dx said about a week left. I have said goodbye and cried to pieces. Watch this video on Youtube. Just amazing and inspiring. love you all and maybe i will post later tonight after the kids are asleep.

ahhhhh!

El Elyon

I am exhausted today. I am so weak that my voice is leaving. After the surgery I am expecting to get it back. I haven't sounded quite like myself for some time. I have so much fight inside me. I have watched my mema and I want to live. Visions of her have flooded my head today. I watched her reach out with her left arm, her left side of her chest, and I could see right through her eyes. Those eyes are all I can remember. She reached out with such love and want. Her character before the stroke has been altered I think. Before, she loved us. It's just something you know, that your grandmother loves you. But this was different. It was almost as if she knows the other side of life now. I don't mean heaven or hell, although I told her whenever she talks again, she'll have to tell me if she saw the Light. I mean she seemed like she wanted to tell us something. Something she couldn't before. I don't want to wait until I'm on that side to share life. So many times I have asked God why? Why this, why that? But I don't want to know that anymore. Not right now. I trust Him. I have to. He's all I have. You know, after its all said and done and we are on a different side of life, He's all there is. What do I know about Him. I know all the Bible stories, and could answer just about any biblical question you have. But that's not enough. I know when my grandaddy was about to die years ago, I had a moment with him, that God gave me. He and I, in a hospital room, and he opened his eyes just for me. And I saw something in his eyes. Deep into his being. After Lydia was born, that first night she and I shared our hospital room together. In the middle of the night, the light was dim, I was lying on my side staring into her eyes. She was in that thing they sleep in with the plastic sides. I remember thinking I saw in her eyes what I remembered seeing in my grandaddy's eyes that day. So last night when Mema looked at me that's what I saw. When we're born, we come from eternity. Lydia was somewhere in eternity with God before she got here. I saw that in her eyes, like she was from somewhere I had been myself long ago in eternity. So before death, Eternity was in Grandaddy's eyes. And even on the side of a sickness or a stroke, eternity is what gets us through. Mema knows something that we don't. Something that no MRI or test can show us. We don't remember eternity, because we are in the middle somewhere. We let things get in the way of eternity. It's in moments like these that the familiar face of God shows up in our loved ones. LIFE, its where it starts and where it ends. ETERNITY, its where it starts and where it ends. If we lose friends we feel like we've lost so much. But we can get up again. But if we lose faith, we lose EVERYTHING. So I will say again. He is all I have. I have to trust Him. El Elyon, a name of Gods. It means Most High.