El Elyon

I am exhausted today. I am so weak that my voice is leaving. After the surgery I am expecting to get it back. I haven't sounded quite like myself for some time. I have so much fight inside me. I have watched my mema and I want to live. Visions of her have flooded my head today. I watched her reach out with her left arm, her left side of her chest, and I could see right through her eyes. Those eyes are all I can remember. She reached out with such love and want. Her character before the stroke has been altered I think. Before, she loved us. It's just something you know, that your grandmother loves you. But this was different. It was almost as if she knows the other side of life now. I don't mean heaven or hell, although I told her whenever she talks again, she'll have to tell me if she saw the Light. I mean she seemed like she wanted to tell us something. Something she couldn't before. I don't want to wait until I'm on that side to share life. So many times I have asked God why? Why this, why that? But I don't want to know that anymore. Not right now. I trust Him. I have to. He's all I have. You know, after its all said and done and we are on a different side of life, He's all there is. What do I know about Him. I know all the Bible stories, and could answer just about any biblical question you have. But that's not enough. I know when my grandaddy was about to die years ago, I had a moment with him, that God gave me. He and I, in a hospital room, and he opened his eyes just for me. And I saw something in his eyes. Deep into his being. After Lydia was born, that first night she and I shared our hospital room together. In the middle of the night, the light was dim, I was lying on my side staring into her eyes. She was in that thing they sleep in with the plastic sides. I remember thinking I saw in her eyes what I remembered seeing in my grandaddy's eyes that day. So last night when Mema looked at me that's what I saw. When we're born, we come from eternity. Lydia was somewhere in eternity with God before she got here. I saw that in her eyes, like she was from somewhere I had been myself long ago in eternity. So before death, Eternity was in Grandaddy's eyes. And even on the side of a sickness or a stroke, eternity is what gets us through. Mema knows something that we don't. Something that no MRI or test can show us. We don't remember eternity, because we are in the middle somewhere. We let things get in the way of eternity. It's in moments like these that the familiar face of God shows up in our loved ones. LIFE, its where it starts and where it ends. ETERNITY, its where it starts and where it ends. If we lose friends we feel like we've lost so much. But we can get up again. But if we lose faith, we lose EVERYTHING. So I will say again. He is all I have. I have to trust Him. El Elyon, a name of Gods. It means Most High.